Here is a little news flash. Compromise in a relationship, is normal. Some people get very upset about making a compromise but unless you get exactly what you want all the time, compromise is just a fact of life.
Someone once said “Life is a compromise” and in a way it is true. Think about it, how often do things work out exactly as you planned? If you end up getting most of what you want most of the time you are doing ok.
Get over the disappointment and move on. However being in a relationship means you have someone else to consider other than yourself. This is sometimes where things can get sticky.
When two people live together all the time, it is impossible to agree all the time, learning to compromise so that you are both happy is a real skill. Give and take is the key component in any discussion where there is friction or a clash of views over the outcome.
In many cases a compromise in a relationship is no big deal. So yes, you really wanted “this” but at the end of the day you ended up with “that” and it’s not so bad. The problems really begin when you are both set on something and each is convinced that their idea or solution is the best one.
When this happens, the only way forward is to sit down and talk it through. Of course this is easier said than done, tempers and emotions run high and underlying this is the disappointment because things aren’t going to work out the way you planned.
The next step is to discuss and negotiate. Businesses and government agencies do it all the time, it is a tried and tested formula. A stalemate doesn’t help anyone and in extreme cases no-one ends up with anything. A relationship isn’t a business or government department but you still have two people with conflicting ideas who need to resolve an issue so that it benefits both of them.
Compromise is when you come up with a solution that may not be exactly what you hoped for but is absolutely the best you can do in the circumstances. The key to compromise is to work out the best outcome so that each partner walks away with something.
This is not easy, so here are some tips that may help.
1) Wait until you are calm before you sit down to discuss the issue.
2) Make sure there are no distractions .
3) Set aside ample time for discussion.
4) Consider all the options and look at the big picture.
5) Don’t limit yourselves to ideas and options.
6) Play the “What if game” and come up with new scenarios
7) Don’t be frightened to try something different.
8) Keep it amicable
9) Write notes so that if you don’t get it sorted out in one go, you can keep track of what you have discussed.
All this may sound like good old fashioned common sense but when tension is running high, common sense flies out of the window. The good news is that once you have learned to discuss and negotiate, you can bring these skills to bear at any time and avoid conflict in the future.
Compromise in a relationship
This is an ongoing thing. Mostly compromise is about things that aren’t that important but when it is, knowing how to work things out could save a lot of angst.