Category Archives: Relationships

Compromise In A Relationship

Here is a little news flash. Compromise in a relationship, is normal. Some people get very upset about making a compromise but unless you get exactly what you want all the time, compromise is just a fact of life.

Someone once said “Life is a compromise” and in a way it is true. Think about it, how often do things work out exactly as you planned? If you end up getting most of what you want most of the time you are doing ok.

That’s Life!

Get over the disappointment and move on. However being in a relationship means you have someone else to consider other than yourself. This is sometimes where things can get sticky.

When two people live together all the time, it is impossible to agree all the time, learning to compromise so that you are both happy is a real skill. Give and take is the key component in any discussion where there is friction or a clash of views over the outcome.

In many cases a compromise in a relationship is no big deal. So yes, you really wanted “this” but at the end of the day you ended up with “that” and it’s not so bad. The problems really begin when you are both set on something and each is convinced that their idea or solution is the best one.


Compromise in a relationshipWhen this happens, the only way forward is to sit down and talk it through. Of course this is easier said than done, tempers and emotions run high and underlying this is the disappointment because things aren’t going to work out the way you planned.

The next step is to discuss and negotiate. Businesses and government agencies do it all the time, it is a tried and tested formula. A stalemate doesn’t help anyone and in extreme cases no-one ends up with anything. A relationship isn’t a business or government department but you still have two people with conflicting ideas who need to resolve an issue so that it benefits both of them.

Compromise is when you come up with a solution that may not be exactly what you hoped for but is absolutely the best you can do in the circumstances. The key to compromise is to work out the best outcome so that each partner walks away with something.


This is not easy, so here are some tips that may help.
1) Wait until you are calm before you sit down to discuss the issue.
2) Make sure there are no distractions .
3) Set aside ample time for discussion.
4) Consider all the options and look at the big picture.
5) Don’t limit yourselves to ideas and options.
6) Play the “What if game” and come up with new scenarios
7) Don’t be frightened to try something different.
8) Keep it amicable
9) Write notes so that if you don’t get it sorted out in one go, you can keep track of what you have discussed.

All this may sound like good old fashioned common sense but when tension is running high, common sense flies out of the window. The good news is that once you have learned to discuss and negotiate, you can bring these skills to bear at any time and avoid conflict in the future.

Compromise In A Relationship

Compromise in a relationship

This is an ongoing thing. Mostly compromise is about things that aren’t that important but when it is, knowing how to work things out could save a lot of angst.

Emotional Support For Partners.

Emotional support is critical for the wellbeing of relationships, as with all things, relationships need nurturing if they are to remain strong and healthy.  Emotional support though is difficult to define since there is no recipe, as it were, for what is required.

There are always plenty of reasons why marriages or relationships fail, usually reasons that most people can understand or get a handle on.

Emotional support

Emotional support may sound at best vague or very touchy feely so people, especially men tend to shy away from it. If it isn’t up  for discussion, it gets dismissed as new age mumbo jumbo.

As today’s society  becomes more and more “Me” orientated, we move further away from empathy and the ability to understand pain or suffering of others. Being in a relationship means sharing all the bad times as well as the good and in the down times emotional support is important if not imperative.

Over a period of time most couples get to know pretty much everything about each other but it is still possible to miss warning signs that all is not well.

Emotional support

In “Communication in relationships” I talk about the importance of talking things over and nipping problems in the bud. It is just as important to ask your partner how they are feeling, not with throwaway lines but with genuine care so that they know it is important to you.

Some people need more support than others and knowing your partner’s strengths and weaknesses makes you the ideal person to offer care and empathy. If your partner is out of sorts do your best to find out what is wrong without resorting to nagging or pressure.

Some issues or problems are easily recognizable and are simple to relate or empathise with. These types of situations are.
  • Grief
  • Loss of job or income.
  • Serious illness or health problems.
Things not so easy to spot are.
  • Loss of self esteem
  • Depression
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of aging or loss of youth

Fear of aging may sound frivolous but in actual fact it is more prevalent than you think. Not only is it difficult to empathise with but it is all too easy to brush it off as vanity. In a case such as this, not only would your partner need reassuring about the age factor,  they would also want to know that you still love them, warts and all.

Here are a few tips on how you can provide emotional support.
  • Make sure you spend quality time together on a regular basis.
  • When you ask them how they are feeling, focus on them so that they know you care.
  • Ask if there is anything practical that you can do to help.
  • Make sure your partner is eating well and getting enough rest.
  • Show them you care in lots of little ways, often the small things make the biggest impact.

emotional support

For most people life is busy and often hectic, in the mad scramble of day to day living, personal problems get pushed aside. Don’t let this happen to you, if you value your relationship and want it to last nurture and care for it.

My husband Chris and I have been together over fifty years, events have come and gone.  Problems  that seemed insurmountable at the time have sunk without trace but we are still going strong. However after all this time when you would think we’ve got it sorted, there are still times when we need emotional support.

Emotional support for your partner is critical for any relationship if it is to thrive; the love and support you offer now will pay dividends in years to come.


Communication In Relationships

Communication in relationships is essential for a healthy and happy union.


Communicating isn’t something you only do when there are issues or problems that need to be resolved. It is an ongoing thing that allows you to be aware of everything that is happening in your lives.

If you and your partner are regularly discussing things, it is less likely that small issues will become big problems. It allows you to stay on top of things and keep control.

Marriages fail for many reasons but quite often it is the small things that go on to become insurmountable problems. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree all the time, however it is possible to reach a compromise that suits everyone.

Communication In Relationships


One of the benefits of good communication in relationships is that there is less stress when something is shared. Bottling up concerns and worries is bad for your health. When feelings and emotions are suppressed for any length of time you get the “pressure cooker” effect.

I use a pressure cooker all the time and love it, however, I have seen the results when one has exploded and it is not a pretty sight.

Mental breakdowns can occur when people become overloaded with stress, this may be the extreme but it does happen. Talking things through, sharing concerns and exploring solutions will take a great deal of the pressure away.

My husband Chris and I have been married for nearly fifty years. We have had our share of ups and downs including my breast cancer treatment. I tend to get stressed about silly things but I always tell Chris, usually a chat sorts it out.


When it comes to discussing important issues such as, change of job, moving house, choice of schools for children etc. there are a few strategies that may help.

1) Don’t attempt to discuss anything important if you are being distracted by anything else or are on a time schedule.

2) Set aside some time when you won’t be disturbed. Pencil it in on your calendar if you have to. Things that are going to affect you and your partner, or others, needs to be treated seriously.

3) Choose a quiet place where you where you can be relaxed and comfortable. No television or radio or other distractions.

4) Write a list of things to be discussed. If you think this is extreme, remember, this is your life you are discussing, you owe it to yourself and your partner to get it right.

5) Take a clean piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the top left hand side write, Pros and on the right side write Cons.  Think about solutions to your problem then write reasons why it would work under Pros, and reasons why it won’t work under cons.


When you are talking through ideas think outside the square, throw out some radical ideas and see where it takes you. To give you an idea of what I mean by this, here’s an example.

A few years ago when we were living aboard our sailing boat we worked on one of the islands in the Whitsunday Group.

Chris was running a hotel and one of his supervisors was having major marital problems. Her husband also worked at the hotel as a cleaner and what with the cost of ferry fares and childcare they were struggling.

Things were getting pretty bad and the wife told Chris she didn’t know what to do. Chris said “One of you should stay at home and keep house while the other works. Sell one of the cars, take the kids out of childcare and cut the ferry fares in half.  As you have the better paid job and are more likely to be promoted, you should be the one to stay at work”

She was pretty gob-smacked because at that time men didn’t stay home and look after the children. Chris said “Go home discuss it with your husband and do the maths”.

Well she did, apparently they stayed up nearly all night discussing the pros and cons. He liked the idea but was worried about finances, however, on paper it looked good.  They bit the bullet and went ahead. They ended up being better off, he loved being at home and she loved being at work and wondered why they hadn’t done it sooner.

Communication in relationships could be one of the most important tools you have to keep your partnership happy. It may even help to save a relationship that is floundering.

Communication In Relationships